Detective?
by RainshadeTheWolf
Summary: A Detective AU. Detective Dipper Pines had known Bill Cipher, his new partner, for all of 13 minutes and 37 seconds, and knew he would hate him.
1. New Partner

**NOT BILLDIP! Completely platonic. Minor language.**

* * *

Detective Mason 'Dipper' Pines stared. Detective Bill Cipher stared back. Tension crackled between them like an electrical current.

" _What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me,_ rookie?" Dipper hissed slowly.

Cipher smirked. "Did I stutter? I said, _Nice to work with you,_ _Pine Tree."_

Dipper turned on his heel to face Police Chief Ford, aka his great-uncle Ford.

"Sir, I request an immediate transfer of Detective Cipher."

"Denied."

* * *

And ever since that day, Dipper had been stuck with this unbearable asshole for a partner. He slacked off, distracted other officers, and was a general nuisance! Dipper had learned the true definition of tolerance in his presence.

Cipher had been out sick for three days, and was finally coming back. Dipper dreaded this moment, but was more distracted by the current case. He had been working on it for two days, and still hadn't managed to connect all the pieces. He leaned on his desk in his office, staring at the billboard on the wall behind said desk. His arms crossed, his brow furrowed, his expression puzzled.

Loud singing interrupted his thought process and he didn't have to turn around to know that Cipher had just walked in.

Dipper was _not_ in the mood to deal with him, and his filter had been squashed angrily this morning. He had snapped at two rookies, and yelled at a senior officer. No one blamed him because they were all used to his mood when there were no breaks in a case.

"Oh, _Pine Tree~!"_ Called that walking pile of distraction that was Officer Bill Cipher.

"Hey, Cipher!" someone called. Bill turned, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't go in there, man. He's dangerous right now."

Bill, of course, ignored this.

 _"Your funeral.."_ the officer muttered darkly.

"Guess who's ba~ack!"

Dipper said nothing, simply staring at the wall.

Bill walked over to him, and leaned on the desk beside Dipper.

"Oh, my. What an interesting wall this is. Does it speak, or are you just crazy?" he wheedled. Dipper slowly shifted his gaze to peer at Cipher out of the corner of his eye, not moving an inch.

"What do we have here?" the blonde grinned, leaning in closer to Dipper.

"Bill?"

"Yes Pine Tree?"

"Would you be a good little rookie and _fuck off?"_ Said Dipper conversationally.

Bill's face was priceless. Dipper had never snapped at him, no matter how much he wanted to, so this came as quite a surprise. He was so shocked, the blond menace simply walked out of the room.

"We warned you man, don't mess with Dipper when he's on a case."

* * *

 **Lol, I don't know if I will write more of this. Maybe if I get reviews? *waggles eyebrows suggestively***


	2. Sister's Boyfriend

**Warning here; this is the story where I do add swearing but only because they're mature adults and it's unlikely that Bill would be so censored.**

* * *

Dipper's face promised a slow and painful death to anyone who distracted him. He strapped his gun into a leg holster, pinned his badge to his belt, and headed out the door.

Bill was, of course, the one who intercepted him.

"What's got your gun all jammed, Pine Tree?" He asked playfully.

"Out of my way, Cipher, before I shoot you for obstruction of Justice."

Bill's eyebrows shot up. He learned new things about Dipper Pines every day.

"Woah, calm down there. I just want to know who killed your cat or whatever. Jeez, how unfriendly."

Dipper's face was dark. "None of your business!" He snaps angrily.

"Ah, except for the part where it _is,_ in fact, my business. You see," he spread his hands widely. "You are my partner."

In the end, Bill went with Dipper on his 'errand', which ended at Mabel's house. Bill didn't know Mabel that well, but called her Shooting Star because of the earrings she wore.

* * *

As it would turn out, Mabel had gotten a new boyfriend and Dipper was there to scare him off with a badge flash and a pretty gun.

Or, at least, to test him. If he had done something in the past, he would likely ditch at the first sight of a cop. If he was innocent, he _might_ stick around. Might.

Bill went in to watch the fun.

"-I don't care _who_ you are, if you touch a _hair_ on Mabel's head, I will personally take care of you. Are you listening?"

"Yes. I can see the headlines now; police brutality against an unarmed citizen in the presence of his partner and sister. Wonderful."

Dipper paused, stared at the kid, then nodded approvingly to Mabel.

"Good job this time, sis. Better than some of the previous, ah, _mistakes."_

Dipper turned on his heel with that, leaving Mabel spluttering indignantly behind him and the smirking boyfriend, Jayce, in the living room.

"Remind me never to piss you off, Pine tree."


	3. Coffee

Dipper sat at his desk, tapping his finger spastically on the smooth surface. He was trying desperately not to fall asleep until Bill came back with the coffee, but somehow he knew he wasn't going to succeed. Crossing his arms on the desk in an attempt to stop the incessant tapping, he suppressed a sigh. His eyes began drooping, and the world blurred. His chin touches his chest and he jerks upright, surprised. His eyes, along with his head and entire posture sag forward, and his head rests on his folded arms.

* * *

Bill impatiently tapped a foot on the laminate tile floors of the cafe. Normally, this one had rather quick service, but today they all seemed to be in a daze. His normal attitude was dampened by the sloth of the people surrounding him. Finally making his way to the counter, he jumps as someone shoves him out of the way, and began complaining about the quality of the coffee.

* * *

Dipper's eyes were open, but he was just staring at the grooves in his desk. Exhaustion filled him. It was Bill's fault he didn't sleep last night, too. He sighed, and then yawned.

* * *

Bill quickly pulled the car door open, hopping in and setting the Styrofoam cups in the cup holders. He pulls out and heads back towards the station. ' _Dipper's going to be asleep by the time I get back!'_ He thinks irritably to himself. His foot inches the gas pedal closer to the floor.

* * *

Dipper blinks blearily, not quite sure where he is and why his neck and back hurt. _And what was that smell? Is it..._ Blinking again, he realizes that yes, he's at work, and yes, that _was_ the rich, earthy smell of delicious coffee. He sat up fully, and grabbed the cup. Prying the lid off, he downs half of it in one go. It burns his throat on the way down, but the shock wakes him up.

* * *

Bill walked in, and noticed that Dipper was sitting, slumped over at his desk. Asleep. Smiling faintly, Bill set his coffee upon the desk and slunk out to his own office. Flopping down, he took out a manila folder with paperwork that he had forgotten to look over.

On the bottom of each one, in a fine pen scrawl was _Pines, M._

Bill smiled.

* * *

 **Hi all! I just want you to know that for this one, you can send me prompts or requests focusing around the detective AU. This one has infrequent updates.**


	4. Heavens, no

**_I have a Tumblr, apparently. I decided I'm going to start posting these there, as well so if you have Tumblr, find me. type in tumblr dot com then add /blog/rainshade-the-wolf. Hope it works. This story will be on there._**

 _'How,'_ Dipper Pines wonders, ' _Do I_ always _end up in these situations?'_

He was sitting in an discreet cafe. It was really a nice cafe. A nice day, too for that matter. The sky was a clear winter blue, and the sun was shining. The air wasn't really cold, but their was a faint chill in the air. The waitress had been nice, and the coffee was good, warm. The croissants were warm and flaky. All in all, it was a wonderful way to start the day.

If it weren't for one thing.

"See 'im, Pine Tree? Over my left shoulder. Red cap, gray jacket."

Bill Cipher, his partner.

" _Yes,_ I can see him. Just as I could see him 3 minutes ago, and 4 minutes before that."

Dipper sighed. Sitting across from him, in casual clothing (a yellow cardigan over a longsleeved black shirt) was the bane of his existence.

"Well fine! If you don't want to talk about the subject of our undercover mission, then shall we talk about ourselves? My name is Bill Cipher, I'm 26 next October, my favorite colour is yellow, and my hair _is_ naturally this blonde." He smirked. "Your turn, Pine Tree."

Dipper sighed. "My name is Dipper Pines, I turned 24 in August. My favourite colour is green, and, uh, my twin sister, Mabel, insists on cutting my hair."

Bill grinned. "Do you speak any other languages? I know a bit of Spanish, but that's it."

Dipper paused. "Um, yeah. I know Russian, German, Japanese, Spanish, French, and, um, one I always forget the name of." He ticks off on his fingers. Bill has one eyebrow raised.

"Wow, impressive!"

"And I can swear in Cantonese."

Bill cracks a smile. They became partners back in March, and he was only now getting the brunette to open up to him.

"Target on the move. Come on, Cipher."

 _'And we're back to professionals.'_ Standing up casually, Bill and Dipper head towards the counter to pay for the coffee and croissants. The bell above the door jingles on their way out. Dipper has a heavy overcoat on, hiding his gun. Bill has a lighter jacket on that disguises his as well.

They caught up quickly. "Hello. Marcus?"

"Yes?"

"We would like to know where you were August 2, at 2:30 pm?"

"I-uh.. um.." The man stutters, then shoves Dipper before taking off. Dipper catches his balance before hitting the ground, and takes off after the man.

"What are you waiting for, Cipher? Catch him!" He calls over his shoulder. Bill takes off, but can't seem to catch up to Dipper. ' _I never realized he was this fast..'_

Dipper saw the opportunity, and took it. Sprinting, then lunging forward, tackling the man. Ripping his arms out from under him, Dipper locks them in the cuffs.

Bill catches up, huffing slightly.

"Buena captura... socio." He huffs out.

"De Verdad? ¿Ahora mismo?" Dipper grinds out, still sitting on top of the struggling suspect. "Stop moving, or I will stop you moving!" He hisses down at the man, who freezes.

* * *

Later, at the station, Bill tips in his chair as Dipper texted his sister.

"Hey, uh, this... wasn't us bonding, right?" Dipper asks casually.

"Oh, heavens no."

"Good."

* * *

 **Not fluently, but I know a bit of all the languages mentioned here.**


	5. Ice Cream

Dipper lay, facedown, on the hard wood floor of his apartment. He wore only his boxers and a tank top, with a cool rag around his neck. He was scrolling on his phone, trying to stave off the unending boredom and heat of the summer.

Sometimes, he really hates days off.

The unfortunate truth of the matter was that Dipper had no social life, and therefore spend most of his time off eating, watching TV, and on his phone. Normally, he's fine with that. The problem at this point is that his air conditioner broke, and it was hot as _hell._

That's probably the only reason that, when he received the message from Cipher asking if he wanted to go get ice cream, he actually considered accepting. On one hand, he had to put on pants, go out in public with other people, and had to socialize with _Cipher._ On the other, _ice cream._

He accepted.

* * *

When Bill sent Dipper that text, he was actually half joking. He had no way of knowing that his partner would actually accept.

* * *

 _4:23_

 ** _B:_** _Damn, it's hot. Wanna get ice cream w/ me?_

 _4:50_

 ** _D:_** _Sure, but only if ur paying._

 _4: 52_

 _ **B:**_ _Wow, the cave man emerges! Lol. Of course i'll pay. I'm a gentleman, after all._

* * *

Maybe 5 in the evening was kind of a strange time to get ice cream, but whatever. It was good ice cream anyway.

One thing Bill learned, though, is that Dipper could eat you out of house and home if you let him. He went home with his wallet considerably lighter, and a considerable amount of selfies with his partner.

* * *

 _ **Hi guys, sorry for the long absence. I'm dealing with some crazy stuff at home rn. I have also been experiencing some crazy writers block lol. I forced this out to try and break through. Enjoy! :)**_


End file.
